Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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