we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
