Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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