so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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