I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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