i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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