I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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