My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
