So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
