take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
