im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
