ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
