Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
