Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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