...so i touched it.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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