Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
