I just cut my nipple shaving
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
