Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
