I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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