Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
