just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
