i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
