Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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