I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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