hotel room ftw
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
