the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
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