someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
