And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
