It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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