if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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