I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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