hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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