dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
