If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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