Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
