Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can I color on your dick again?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dear god my vagina.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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