Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
