so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
