I haven't been this sober since birth.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
