I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
what day is it and did you see me today?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
