frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
