Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
