When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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