So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
