God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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