There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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