I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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