I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
