I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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