Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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